Once upon a Tomorrow Never Knows, many of us couldn’t wait to grow up, spread our wings, gain our independence and fly off to unknown lands where there were uncharted waters and adventures to be discovered and lived. We couldn’t wait. We took walks on the wild side. Some of us survived, a few fell through the cracks. We moved on and often took some bravely stupid steps.
We fell in love, we fell out of love, we stayed in love and got married. We had children and became domesticated. Domesticated. It’s a funny word. Often it means giving up and becoming what you promised yourself you’d never become. But you did, yes, you did, yes, you did and the penny finally dropped. There was the realisation that you had become everything you never thought you would be: Boring. But having made one’s bed, there was a need to lie in it at least for a while. Guilt pangs surfaced when wondering if this was just living a lie. Often it was- a lethal cocktail of falling in lust, thinking it was love until that train dropped you off at the right station. It was fun while it lasted, but it was just a U2 song.
Now we’re here and supposedly wiser and having learned from our mistakes. But have we? Or are we actually regressing by compromising too much just to keep the peace? Is the best behind us and are we clinging onto dreams that have gone for good instead of embracing coming face to face with adulthood and all that this brings? Where are we heading knowing that one can’t take it with you?
Recently, a longtime friend in horse racing detonated our relationship by sending me a text asking why I am so “cranky with the world these days”.
I’m “cranky” to receive drunken long distance phone calls when having dinner and trying desperately hard to be polite and when around company.
I’m “cranky” of the constant bullshit, especially on unsociable social media when the beast of burden that’s the whole truth and nothing but the truth can be unleashed by just pressing the “Send” button. I’m “cranky” at myself for carrying people along with their army of losers who suffer from arthritis of the hand when having to reach for their wallets.
I’m “cranky” about all the deals and schemes where good people have been conned into buying into bad deals because of blind loyalty and thinking they can buy friendship.
I’m “cranky” with those who suffer from selective memory recall and enjoy pointing out the mistakes of others but never looking inwardly at their false marriages and terminal hypocrisy. These are those who are always there with hot air advice that has the impact of passing gas. They’re Jumping Jack Flash.
It’s taken me around twenty years to get to this point- a point where I can see everything far more clearly, read the tea leaves and refuse to suffer fools gladly, either those online or in the real world where one can look them in the eye and they blink first.
It’s taken decades of seeing many in the music industry feathering their nests and others turning a blind eye to it all. Decades of listening to sermons about love and marriage when these same people are still living a false life of a “happy marriage” with a longtime mistress on the side. And now I’m “cranky” because I want nothing of it and am talking about it without any fear of reprisal?
Okay, so I am “cranky” because I no longer tolerate drunk talk, carry people financially, listen to, or read bullshit, confront people with a mirror to the truth and refuse to be part of the lemmings squad? I’m loving this crankiness. Guess it comes with finally growing up.
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