By Hans Ebert
It wears you down. Yes, it eventually wears you down because how much is enough? And when you do let it all go, there’s nothing left. U2 is still singing, I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For when actually you know you what you had, but you let it go for damaged goods and gypsies, tramps and thieves. Live and learn and move on…
Birthdays are always a time for internalising and hoping that tomorrow brings about some clarity and removes the clutter. And so, this birthday, I shut myself off this “regular” world, switched to my telephone without all the apps and decided to get away from everything and everyone that’s crept up and become part of what passes off as life in Hong Kong- and elsewhere. It was The Big Kiss Off to all this “sharing” where very very few actually give. Don’t they realise how obvious this is? How small it makes them look?
It was all wearing me down- the nonsensical conversations, the guesswork, settling for second best, and possibly most key of all, trying to fit into places where I knew I didn’t belong. This journey has been one that’s taken me through peaks and valleys and where being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel has not been easy. But no regrets and chalk it up to life experiences.
Speaking to a longtime friend, we discussed the disappointment in the realisation that you’re not travelling with those you should. It’s letting yourself down by not being selective enough. That you’re letting yourself down for this misplaced need to belong. But for fucks sake, belong where and who are these people when their masks are torn off?
Perhaps it’s this thing called “social media” connecting with real life and resulting in a chain reaction of disconnected negativity, but you suddenly realise that you’re now one of them instead of being only one of you. You’re playing their game and caught up in this false world of misinformation, miscommunication, having a misguided sense of self importance and losing sight of life’s priorities- your life’s priorities because only you know yourself best and where you want to be. And with whom. But maybe she still doesn’t know, it’s always been her.
And so, a new journey has begun. Thankfully, the other one was short and derailed before travelling backwards thinking that’s where the future lies. That’s where the enchilada tastes the best. That’s where the Taco Bell rings loudest.
The future is what you make of it. It doesn’t need enablers and fake “friends” and those with no understanding of how much you have travelled, how much you have experienced, how time has given you that Third Eye to see through the bullshit, and how much more there’s left to do.
Quietly, by yourself and, from time to time, only her to shine a light on that unspoken spark of inspiration to realise who and what matters and the need to shut the door on clutter that can lead you astray and into an abyss of nothingness, can you return to where you really belong. Where you’re not stuck in that false world made to be much more than it is by too many delving too deeply into the lost and found department and losing themselves in the process. Get real, get well, hang around the inkwell.
#birthday #socialmedia #friendship